Well, thank goodness you can't catch any cooties over the Internet, because our whole house has been sick this week, and I just feel like I have germs all over me.
A couple of days ago, I realized that fifteen years ago, and a hundred pounds ago, I used to do so so much more in every day! I was thinking of how I used to run around every day, full of energy, getting so much accomplished everyday, without even trying! My energy levels were just so much higher, that I naturally accomplished much more.
Wow, this is a real wake up call to me. I know maybe getting older is part of it, but if I was in shape, I would be able to just a lot more -- naturally. Now, I have to push myself, to get things done, and to keep going, I have to really push myself. I HATE admitting that, but this is about being honest, and that's the truth.
I remember what it was like to have tons of energy, and to feel like I didn't want to stop until the end of the day. I miss that feeling! I miss that feeling of natural, dynamic energy! I miss not feeling out-of-breath much of the time. This is so painful to admit, but I have to be real about where I am at.
And the thing is, it would have been easier to lose weight, when I was thinner. Because I had more energy to get those diet and exercise things done. Dang, it's difficult. I guess that's why we don't make it unless we're really motivated ... because it takes a lot! Wow.
I'm tired and I need to see a vision of myself being successful in this, in order to be able to do it. I need to see that it's possible. I want to be able to see how it's going to work, because it's hard to get up and try again! I admit that I find it hard to see myself as successful in this area right now. It feels like it's been so long since I've been slim. It's been over ten years since I was under 180 lbs. I've been up and down since then, and got to a size 14 four years ago.
Three years ago, I really started to creep up, and haven't really gone down much since then. It's like my body has forgotten what it is like to be slim. And so has my mind. I need to see it, in order to believe it, and do it. This is as much a battle of the mind, as it the body. And a battle of the heart, because I have to believe, in my heart, that I can do it.
As a Christian, I need to believe that God can take me from this dark place of my life, and deliver me into the light. I will pray this week for his wisdom for belief and for a vision of how to accomplish this herculean task before me: losing hundred pounds.
The Scriptures say ... "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18a
How true this!
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